For me being in my thirties has been a unique sort of challenge. On one hand, it seems like just yesterday I was a teenager and young adult. I remember being reckless, and uncaring of many things. Things that in hind site, perhaps I should have cared about more. I remember midnight trips to Perkins to drink coffee with friends, or to Denny's at 2am to drink vanilla cokes. I remember driving too fast, and playing the music too loud. I remember being free. Not having a care in the world, and just living in the moment. I remember my parents (Who were in their 30's) being sticks in the mud about everything and being SO annoyed by them wanting to know my EVERY move. Controlling, and trying to keep my freedom from me. It really does seem like this all just happen yesterday.
But now.... Now there is a new dynamic. Now I care too much perhaps. Now I am the one controlling. I am the one needing to know my children's every move. I am the one who worries that when they get older they will drive to fast, and play their music too loud. I worry they will fall in with kids who will influence them negatively, or even worse, that they become the negative influencer. I worry about my health. I rarely drink soda anymore, nor do I eat much convenient food. I cook. A lot And going to sleep any later then 10 pm is a HUGE deal! Especially when we all wake up at the wee hour's around 5:00 am each morning!
Just a few short years ago, I would've laughed at anyone who would've told me that I would want to have a small farm, and raise my children to know where their food comes from, because just a few short years ago, I didn't care. If someone had said just a few short years ago that I would be so wrapped up in the workings of our country, I would've told them, "That's doubtful, I hate politics!" And while I still hate politics, I can't help but be hurt, moved, defensive, disgusted, angry, and proud of things that happen with politics and this country. Sometimes there are amazing things, and sometimes there are things that suck. A few short years ago, I did not care about any of it.
It is truly an interesting perspective to have on life when you are in your 30's. It's like you have finally peaked and matured, you understand the importance of things and the importance of life, and you are responsible for the life of others as well. You care about things you never thought possible, while still remembering very clearly what it was like when you didn't care about those things. You become wiser, You become Stronger, but in a sense, maybe you feel like you have lost a part of yourself as well. I know I do. I often yearn for my past, but then I think about all the amazing and wonderful things I have gained from that past, and where it has put me today, and as much as I may miss parts of my past, I would never want to go back. I love the life I have now, and the life I am striving towards. I can't wait to see how I feel when I am in my 40's!
