A new start

Yesterday started my first day on my new journey to a healthy me. It was a good day and a not so good day. I was quite surprised by the actual lack of hunger that I had, but eating every couple hours definitely helped that. It was a tough day because I was so so tired. And by the end of the day I had a headache starting. I've cut my caffeine back which could be the reason for the headache, or perhaps it's from my body detoxing of unnecessary carbs. Either way the headache sucked. I woke up with it this morning also, but took some ibuprofen to kick it in the butt before it turned into something even worse. I planned out my meals for the day and then went to work. Work is a challenge in its own right. Working with food is tempting, but not as bad as I had thought at first. The frustrating part I am finding is not being able to taste the products I make. I know it's just a little thing, but I also know it can screw up the whole process. But I feel like I am only doing my job mediocre when I have to rely on others to taste things and tell me if they are ok, or right. But it's just another challenge I have to face. Today I am not feeling quite as tired, but I'm feeling more emotional. Perhaps even slightly depressed. I am missing my old comfort, and at the same time I am incredibly pissed that everything on tv seems to be about food. I am frustrated, that while my family is trying their best to be supportive, they also don't seem to quite get what I'm going through, and I am also sad that to some degree they don't care what they are putting in their body. I know parts of this are just selfishness, I have no right to judge what anyone does. I'm far from perfect, but it is also worry and concern for those close to me that by choosing to not care about what goes in their body, they are slowly killing themselves. I try not to think this way, but it is hard not to. Maybe I'm just jealous that they get to eat garlic bread and chili for dinner... who knows. In any instance, I am still excited and determined to continue this journey. I want to be healthy for my kids, and my husband. I want to have the energy to go to their sports games, or concerts, or whatever they may be involved in. I don't want to be tired all the time, and I don't want to think about food all day. I want to look and feel sexy! I want to do a cartwheel! I want to enjoy mother nature. I want to live! And that's why I'm doing this. I want to be alive and thrive like I never have before.

Starting Out

All my life I've been overweight. Never in my life do I even remember being under 200 lbs, although I don't imagine I came out of the womb that big. I have tried a few things to control my weight but despite most of them, I am still obese. I have a food addiction. I know this and I have known this for a long time. I don't like exercise. This probably has more to do with the fact that when you are obese, it's a bitch to move around. Your body screams at you and your mind just keeps saying "give up cow, why do you even try?" This is how I have lived most of my life. With a lot of body issues, and a lot of excuses, and a lot of self doubt. But, I have decided to make a change. A big change. A HUGE change. I'm taking my life in my hands and I'm making myself better. I need support. And I want to share my journey and hopefully inspire others as I go. I've come across a program that I have seen first hand work for others. Is this my miracle? It can be, if I make it so. I know it is up to me to be successful, and now I am going to "Take Shape for Life" and start living. Never have I felt so confident about something and so scared at the same time. And scared for perhaps some very odd reasons. Of course I am afraid of failure, but can you believe I am scared of being thin and healthy. As I said before I have always been overweight, and the idea of not being that is both exhilarating and scary as hell. So this is where it starts. Change. A healthier self. A long happy life with my beautiful family.