A new week! 3 months!

Since my last post I have been working on turning things around for myself and I think it's working. I'm still struggling to cut my coffee intake but trying to use sugar alternatives to cut some of those unnecessary carbs, or using less sugar syrup.  I've also been watching my portion sizes a lot more, which has often been an issue. I know eating healthy foods is a great thing, but when you binge on them it doesn't make it any better for your body, and I've been a binge eater as long as I can remember!  I don't keep snack type foods and process foods in my house, because if I do, I will eat them. So I shop as healthy as we can afford (we eat a lot of chicken breasts, cauliflower, canned tomatoes, and zucchini) and I keep the junk food out. Sometimes I get mad at myself for not having a quick snack in the house, but because I don't have it, I can't eat it! Good philosophy right?  Well whatever I did in the last week has earned me to lose four pounds. So while I was 278 last Friday, this morning I was back down to 274.  I'm moving in the right direction and this little bit of weight loss makes me feel re-energized and re-focused.  As promised I have new pictures this month although I don't feel like there is much of a difference from last month. I'm happy to be back on a positive path and moving forward once again!

Set Backs

Well, this weeks blog post is going to be hard.  First of all, in case you haven't noticed, it is later than usual.  Part of this is life, part of this is embarrassment, and part of this is shame.  It has been a rough few days.  When I first ran out of replacement meals, I was doing pretty good with eating right and eating healthy.  The last few days, I have been slipping.  I feel myself spiraling down.  I am trying to find my feet and pull myself back up, but sometimes once you start to fall, it is awfully hard to get back up.  One thing I swore to myself when I started this blog, is that I would always be honest with my readers.  I don't want there to be any falsity to this blog, and I want people to know, I am a real person, and I have VERY real struggles.  This week has been a crappy week.  Each day it seems like I have somehow rationalized putting something in my body that I shouldn't, or eating more of a certain thing than I should.  These are things I have always done my entire life, and so breaking this way of thinking is a big big big big challenge.  I have still been making sure to fix lean and green meals for dinner.  But, sometimes I eat more of those than I should, and often times, I eat things I shouldn't for breakfast or lunch.  Sometimes I get so pissed off, and I just want to say F-it!  Especially when I know there are people out there (like my wonderful hubby) who can put whatever the hell they want in there body, and they stay thin.  It frustrates me so much that I can't enjoy food the way others can.  It makes me so angry!  SO ANGRY!  I don't want to think about every tiny thing I put in my body.  I feel like trying to be healthy and live a healthy life is consuming me in ways that I don't want it to.  Why can't I just live???  WHY does everything I eat have to be carefully considered.  Why can't I just enjoy food???
I know why.  I know the reason is because I can't just enjoy food, I devour it.  I over enjoy and over indulge in it.  I eat until I can barely move, and I make myself sick doing it.  I can't just enjoy food because I am beyond that point.  I am addicted to the quick fixes that it gives me.  The problem is, those quick fixes lead to some serious long term damage.  One of which is very likely death.  It's scary to think about.  But, if I don't force myself to think about those things, then, I will keep spiraling.  I have gained 5 pounds back in the last week.  And that is how my week has been.  I'm not going to go into detail about every little thing I have put in my body the last week, because it's a lot.  I'm not going to tell you how many times I have waited for my husband to go to sleep so I could raid the fridge without anyone knowing.  I'm not going to mention how many sugary lattes I have consumed either.  Just know that, it's all led up to me being back to 278.  It is hard pulling myself out of this.  But I have to.  I have to find the strength.  I have to stop being so scared of the greatness that can come out of being healthy, instead of being so set in my ways with the unhealthy.  I love everyone's support, and right now I need it more than ever.  I will be back next week with hopefully a better update.

Week 10!

So this week's post is a little late.  Between not feeling really well, and the kids, it has been difficult finding the time to actually type this weeks weigh in results and how my week went!  So, Here we go!
This week has been an interesting challenge, but one that I feel I have dealt with fairly well!  Financially, we are in a bit of a bind at the moment.  I haven't worked since Jack broke his leg, and so we are living off one full time income, and rent from my mom who also lives with us.  Anyway, with the boys, and us adults, we rely on food stamps for the core of our food purchase's.  The meal replacements for Take Shape for Life, are, sadly, not covered by food stamps.  So even though the price is very comparable to your grocery bill every month, we just don't have the extra money for it at this time.  Which sucks, because it has been working so so well.  HOWEVER, I am making the best of it, and eating as healthy as possible.  Lean and Greens for my meals.  With the exception of a high fiber, high protein, low carb wrap I shared with my son the other day, and a little bit of fruit here and there, I haven't really added any extra carbs to my diet!  Which means that I haven't indulged in Pasta, Potatoes, or Rice.  And honestly, I don't really even want to (Except sushi which I ALWAYS want, haha)  So overall I feel like I am doing pretty dang good without the meal replacements.  I haven't lost any weight this week, however; I have stayed at 273 all week.  I have weighed myself almost daily, to check in and make sure things are at least staying the same.  I am disappointed I am not losing weight, but I am also not suprised.  The meal replacements kind of take the guess work out of getting the right nutrition and calories you need into your body!  I am still learning a lot about all the nutrition stuff, and how the body works, so it is difficult to really get the results I am looking for at this point, without the ease of the meal replacements.  That is just one more reason I love the program, it makes it easy to eat healthy and lose weight, but it also educates as you go!  I am hoping that in the near future we are in a better financial situation and I can get right back on plan.  In the mean time, I am going to eat healthy and bump up my activity level!  I think bumping up my activity level will help also while I don't have the meal replacements, but we will see what my body does!
Now with all that being said, I want to talk about Starchy foods for a moment.  This has become a very interesting topic in my mind, and here is why.  I don't know how many of you have tried Cauliflower Pizza, instead of Bread dough pizza, or Spaghettie squash, instead of Pasta, or Cauliflower Rice, instead of White Rice, or Cauliflower Mash, instead of Mashed Potatoes, or using Zucchini instead of oatmeal or panko in your meatloaf, but, I have tried all of these things since starting this lifestyle change and I have to say, in general, I almost always like the vegetable version over the starchy version.  I could eat Cauliflower pizza everyday, Not even joking.  And the other day when I tried mashed cauliflower, I was blown away.  It tasted almost identical to mashed potatoes!  I grew up with starches being a large part of meals, as I am sure most of you did also.  I have lived most of my life indulging in starchy carb heavy foods like most people in the world, and I guess where all this is leading to is, why are we such a starch heavy, carb heavy society, when these alternatives to the carbs and starch are so dang delicious and so much healthier!?  Now, I am fully aware that you need carbs to survive, So I don't want to give the wrong idea and say NO CARBS EVER!  But I am also fully aware that if you eat your vegetables, you will get most of the carbs that your body needs.  So anyway, I challenge you all to try to replace one of those items with a vegetable alternative, and just see what you think!  I think you will be pleasantly suprised for sure!  In fact, my husband, who has always made it well known how much he hates squash, LOVED the Spaghetti sauce over Spaghetti Squash we had for dinner last night!  Now, I will stop ranting about nutrition (haha.)  I hope you've enjoyed my post this week and I look forward to next weeks weigh in.  Oh and two new recipes going up tomorrow or the next day, so I hope you will check them out!

Mid week bliss!

I wanted to check in mid week, because I have had a few things happen in the past week that have really made me feel great!  As I have mentioned before in previous blogs, having been on this program has given me a tremendous amount of energy!  I have been walking more with my children and husband, I park at the back of parking lots, and I don't feel pain when I am in the store for more than 10 minutes.  I can (almost) keep up with my husband (Keep in mind, his legs are about fifty times longer than mine, and he has always, as long as I have known him, had a fast paced walk.)  Today, we took the boys to the zoo.  The last time we went to the zoo was before Andrew was born, and I think before he was even conceived.  I remember thinking nearly the whole time, how much it sucked to be walking around for so long.  I remember how much pain I felt walking around the zoo.  I was sweaty the entire time, and short of breath whenever we walked up any hill, even slight ones.  I sat down almost every time Brian and Jack would look at an exhibit.  I was unhappy.  This was when I was nearly 340 lbs.  TODAY WAS A NEW DAY!!!  I felt great today.  I was happy, I had energy, I was excited to be there with my family!  Not only that, but I had very little pain (Although, I have been having a small problem in my lower back for the last 3 or 4 days) I was able to push myself and keep up a strong pace with my husband (although, I nearly have to run to really keep up with him.)  I was NEVER out of breath and I only sat down once while waiting for Brian and Jack, and once when we all sat down for lunch.  And even though I was tired after the day with the boys at the zoo, I wasn't exhausted.  I wasn't fatigued.  I was just a little worn from a busy day!  It was great!  And I feel great!
I have also learned a lot through the last couple weeks.  Some days it is very hard to stick to the program.  And as I have mentioned in a previous post, normally when things get tough, I tend to quit.  Or if I mess up on what I am doing, and make a mistake, instead of picking it back up where I left off, or starting over, I just quit.  This has been an incredibly destructive pattern in my life.  But for the first time in my life I realize something.  Even if I have had a bad day (and there have been a couple, I'll be honest) where I stray from the program, I have realized that I don't have to let that bad decision affect my outcome!  Some days my resolve to stay strong and pull through this program unscathed just seems to shatter.  But I am finding a new kind of courage in my life that allows me to accept those bad decisions and move past them and keep moving forward, instead of beating myself up and ultimately giving up.  Why I have been so self destructive in the past, I really can't say.  But what I do know is that I can set that destructive person free, and let her live.  Everyone makes mistakes, I guess it really is how you choose to deal with those mistakes that defines your outcome!

Week 9

Good morning to all you wonderful people out there!  It is weigh in day!  You may notice I seem a little enthusiastic today.  Going to be honest, I have a few exciting things to talk about, AND I have been awake since 3:30 a.m.  Being up so early was due to the baby waking up, but I have been anxious to write this blog so decided to stay awake while he sleeps again.  Anywho...
So weigh in this week was good!  I am down four more pounds.  Which puts me at 41 pounds lost!  My weight now is 273!  Ok, so the weight loss this week is exciting, but, what is even more exciting is CLOTHES!  I love to shop.  I can't usually afford it, but I love it.  So I went to Lane Bryant yesterday to see what was on their clearance racks.  Last time I bought clothes they were size 24.  Which trust me, I was ecstatic about!  This time, I am thinking I have gone down one more size, and started trying on some 22's and noticed that they were even a little bit loose.  So sure enough, I grabbed four or five different pairs of pants in size 20, and EVERY SINGLE ONE fit!  I have not been in a size 20 since high school, (and keep in mind, high school was 13 years ago...) so needless to say, this is a huge accomplishment.  I can't even begin to describe how amazing size 20 feels!  I am so anxious and excited, and determined to see size 18, and then 16, and Omigod... size 14... I don't know that I have ever been in size 14.... The smallest size I remember is 16 and that was in middle school.  Wow... Life is looking good!  It is so great to be getting healthy and losing weight and becoming a better, happier, healthier, sexier me.  I feel more confident and I am ready to take on the world!
I know I promised more recipes last week, but it has been crazy around the house with my husband being gone most of the week, so I PROMISE more recipes this week!  I have a few good ones I made recently, so stay tuned!