I wanted to check in mid week, because I have had a few things happen in the past week that have really made me feel great! As I have mentioned before in previous blogs, having been on this program has given me a tremendous amount of energy! I have been walking more with my children and husband, I park at the back of parking lots, and I don't feel pain when I am in the store for more than 10 minutes. I can (almost) keep up with my husband (Keep in mind, his legs are about fifty times longer than mine, and he has always, as long as I have known him, had a fast paced walk.) Today, we took the boys to the zoo. The last time we went to the zoo was before Andrew was born, and I think before he was even conceived. I remember thinking nearly the whole time, how much it sucked to be walking around for so long. I remember how much pain I felt walking around the zoo. I was sweaty the entire time, and short of breath whenever we walked up any hill, even slight ones. I sat down almost every time Brian and Jack would look at an exhibit. I was unhappy. This was when I was nearly 340 lbs. TODAY WAS A NEW DAY!!! I felt great today. I was happy, I had energy, I was excited to be there with my family! Not only that, but I had very little pain (Although, I have been having a small problem in my lower back for the last 3 or 4 days) I was able to push myself and keep up a strong pace with my husband (although, I nearly have to run to really keep up with him.) I was NEVER out of breath and I only sat down once while waiting for Brian and Jack, and once when we all sat down for lunch. And even though I was tired after the day with the boys at the zoo, I wasn't exhausted. I wasn't fatigued. I was just a little worn from a busy day! It was great! And I feel great!
I have also learned a lot through the last couple weeks. Some days it is very hard to stick to the program. And as I have mentioned in a previous post, normally when things get tough, I tend to quit. Or if I mess up on what I am doing, and make a mistake, instead of picking it back up where I left off, or starting over, I just quit. This has been an incredibly destructive pattern in my life. But for the first time in my life I realize something. Even if I have had a bad day (and there have been a couple, I'll be honest) where I stray from the program, I have realized that I don't have to let that bad decision affect my outcome! Some days my resolve to stay strong and pull through this program unscathed just seems to shatter. But I am finding a new kind of courage in my life that allows me to accept those bad decisions and move past them and keep moving forward, instead of beating myself up and ultimately giving up. Why I have been so self destructive in the past, I really can't say. But what I do know is that I can set that destructive person free, and let her live. Everyone makes mistakes, I guess it really is how you choose to deal with those mistakes that defines your outcome!
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