Great News!

This is probably going to be a rather short post, but I have some amazing news that I want to share with everyone!  I went to the doctor today.  It was for issues completely unrelated (but possibly related) to my health.  (If that made any sense at all)  But, you know how it goes before every appointment, they weigh you, and they take your blood pressure.  Up until about a month ago, I had been on meds for my blood pressure.  I stopped taking it after I started the program and started feeling a bit better.  I hadn't had the opportunity to check my blood pressure or get into the doctor, but I knew that when I went to the doctor I wanted a true reading and not a medicated reading.  Turns out, my blood pressure was 120/74!!!  I have been on these meds for just over three years to try to control my blood pressure.  And before that, I have a feeling it was probably an issue but I just didn't go to the doctor if I could help it.  But, now I have a normal and HEALTHY blood pressure!  The doctor assured me I no longer needed the meds!  HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!!  I love that I am changing so many things in my life into a positive!  Just wanted to share how excited I am to be off my meds officially!  If any of my readers are struggling with weight related health issues, and ready to change their lives, I would love a quick email and we can talk about how you can change your life too!

2 months!

Well, It has been two months since I started my weight loss journey.  I am going to be honest, I really wasn't sure how this blog was going to go today.  Yesterday I had my mind made up, I was giving up.  Of course I rationalized this with many many excuses.  I had been considering it for several days.  And so I finally emailed my health coach about my decision, and as I typed my why's for stopping this, every single thing out of my "mouth" I could see as an excuse.  Everything.  And I had a lot of them.  But after emailing her a little bit, and after talking to my husband some more about it, I decided to stick with it.  Today I met up with my health coach in person.  Which I am so thankful for.  We had a great talk.  I cried, more than I would have liked (but that is just me) and I've decided I am stronger than my weaknesses.  I have really bad weeks, and I have really good weeks, and honestly, this week SUCKED!  One thing I seem to have always done in my life is give up when things get hard, or run away.  And that is exactly what I was trying to do, run away, give up, admit defeat, quit.  I am more thankful for having Jenn in my life than she could possibly even imagine.  If she wasn't there, I would give up.  But having her there for me, and having her know what it is like to struggle with weight loss herself... She is such a blessing in my life.  Thank God for accounting class!  Admitting some of these things to myself, and to Jenn, seems to have triggered some things in my brain.  I don't have to be a failure.  I CAN accomplish goals.  I am stronger than I let myself believe.  But one of the most important things that really stuck with me today while talking to Jenn, was to stop letting the future consume the now.  Stop stressing over things that aren't here and haven't happen, and just take things one step and one day at a time.  As I sit here typing this I am truly overwhelmed with happiness that I have met someone so wonderful as to help me get through these struggles.  I can't say it enough.  Thank you Jenn!  You are an angel on earth!

Now for the weight loss news.  This week, there was none.  I am still 277.  It isn't a surprise considering the week I have had.  I cheated more than I would like to admit, and yesterday, I went completely off my new eating habits.  I am actually quite surprised I didn't gain weight honestly.  With every single bite of something I knew I shouldn't be putting in my body, I felt guilty.  I am a self saboteur, and it is something I am working on.  So many things in my life I have quit at, I am done being that girl.  I want to be the one who succeeds.  And now is the opportunity to prove I can!  I know it'll be a struggle, and I hope that I don't get to a place where I am ready to just quit again.  I hope that I can be strong enough to push past it, and call my health coach and be like "I need reminders why I am doing this again."  I gotta tell ya, the weight loss has been wonderful and so is the energy, but food has been my friend for so so so so so so long, that it is in a lot of ways a grieving process retraining my body to consume healthy and live healthy.  I do feel like I am losing a close friend by saying "I'm not going to put crap in my body anymore!" it's hard!  It is a struggle!  But, it is a struggle that is worth it.  Plus, taking my TWO MONTH weight loss pictures today was pretty freaking awesome!  I took the pictures in the pants I bought about a month ago, when I had dropped two sizes.  Look at the pictures!  These are NOT my fat pants!  They are however, they only ones I have right now that still fit!  I think next month, I will get out a pair of pants that I wore when I was my heaviest.  It'll be interesting to step into them.  It'll be interesting to see where I am in a month.  So with that said, thank you as usual for following my blog!  Thank you for listening to my struggles.  I still hope I can inspire anyone who is ready to take charge of their own lives!  Enjoy the pics!  (Sorry about being shirtless, I was trying to get a picture that truly showed the weight loss)

PS.  The last picture is me about about two years ago.  This was a point when I was almost at my heaviest, and one of the few full body pictures I have.  I was around 330 to 340 in this pic.  

Recipes

I want to share some of the healthy recipes I have been using throughout this journey, and share with you my successes and failures with them.  I hope that these recipes can inspire others to cook healthier.  The are all fairly simple and easy to make, although sometimes might take a little bit of preparation.  I am still trying to figure out the ins and outs of putting together a blog, but I will post links on this page with new recipes that I come across, or create!  I hope you all enjoy!

Asparagus Tomato Salad
Zucchini, Mushroom, and Spinach Bake
Cauliflower Rice
Seared Scallops over Asparagus and Tomato Salad
Cauliflower Crust Pizza
Spicy Tomato Chicken
Chicken Enchilada
Broccoli Chicken Dijon
Turkey Meatloaf
Ranch Parmesan Tilapia
Bangers and "Mash"
Cauliflower Mash

Week Seven already!

Well it is week seven and I am still seeing success on the scale, and success in the energy I now have!  I lost 3 more pounds this week which puts me at 277!  I'm out of the 280's (Which feels great) and I am still moving forward!  This puts me at a total weightloss so far of 37 pounds!  I am hopeful that next week I will be down 40 pounds!  I am also close to another milestone. I only have 7 pounds to lose until I reach 100 pounds lost since I had Andrew!  How amazing is that!  Losing 100 pounds in just over four months!  Ok, so a lot of it was from retaining water, and obviously because I had a 10 pound baby in my tummy, BUT, Before I got pregnant, I was already at 340 pounds.  When I think about that, I have lost 63 pounds from my heavies non-pregnancy weight.  And that does feel pretty great. I only have 17 pounds to go until I am back down to the weight I was when I met my husband just over 6 years ago.  Only 27 pounds until the milestone of reaching 250 pounds AND only 13 more pounds until I have lost a total of 50 pounds since starting Take Shape for Life!  And it hasn't even been 2 full months on the program yet!  I'm excited about life, and where I am going.  This journey has even motivated me to start looking into things I have wanted to do for a long time, but have not had the confidence to do.  More specifically, I want to perform.  I want to be on stage, in plays, or in an orchestra making beautiful music.  I love performing arts and I am excited to be a part of them again!  My life long dream has always been to be on Broadway, in the play Les Miserables (Well, this has been my dream since I was like 14 anyway) and while, I don't see that happening, due to my family (Who I love to death and will always come first) I can still indulge in the performing arts here in Portland, or where ever we may end up in the future.    And why not!  I am confident, and beautiful, and talented!  And I am tired of hiding from my dreams.  So wish me luck!  There is so much life out there that I am just chomping at the bit to experience, and now is the time to go get it, and live to the fullest!

PS.  As a side note, I was curious, if I started posting some recipes on my blog if this would be something people might be interested in.  Please leave your comments and let me know what you think!  I love coming up with new healthy creations, and finding them on the internet as well, and would love to share them with you all!

Lessons Learned!

WOW!  I truly believe I have learned more about myself and my journey in the last two days, than I ever have before.  And I know these things can and will affect my future profoundly.  First of all, I want to apologize for yesterdays somewhat self loathing post.  I was feeling a bit down and a lot lost.  However, taking a break from my search for health was a huge eye opener.  I am shocked by how quickly my body reacted to the things I was putting in it.  And although, I don't feel that what I had to eat was completely unhealthy, it was not the fuel my body needed.  I started out the day with a pretty normal breakfast, Protein and veg.  That didn't bother me, as It is what I usually eat.  I had a snack with a few higher carbs than what I would normally have and more fat that I should've had.  I had a slice of cheese and some sugar snap peas.  Not an unhealthy choice, and honestly, I didn't even eat to much of it.  Then for lunch, That is where things got a little rocky.  I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich.  So I took three slices of cheese, and butter a couple peices of whole wheat bread and went to town.  Now a couple things happen by consuming this.  The first thing was, I got full A LOT quicker.  I used to sit down and eat Two grilled cheese as well as a bowl of tomato soup, for lunch.  So here I was eating this one grilled cheese and I was getting full about half way through One sandwhich!  The second thing that happen really really sucked.  Within an hour of having this sandwich, I got the runs.  I am sure there are a couple reasons for this.  The first is the fact that consuming the extra carbs and extra calories in one sitting, I am sure affected my stomach in a negative way.  The second was the cheese.  I have known for a long time that I am lactose intolerant, however, it never really seemed an issue if I ate cheese or yogurt.  But considering I have not consumed really any dairy in the last six weeks, it would appear that my body did a complete double take and was like "Oh Hell No!  You did not just put all that fat and lactose into me!"  I did splurge and also got a Grande Iced Venti Soy Caramel Macchiato.  That didn't help my stomach any either.  I have coffee pretty much daily, but usually with one of my medifast cappachino mixes, and it tastes great and it doesn't upset my stomach.  The soy and sugar in the Macchiato was to much.  So for dinner, I didn't eat to much out of the norm, we had grilled steak (Which I am very proud to say was perfectly medium rare and juicy!) and some coleslaw and a baked potato.  Normally I wouldn't have a potato and just a straight veg, the slaw dressing isn't all that healthy, although, I made it so I know how much sugar and what not actually went into it.  So that was that.  It was a big eye opener when my stomach was so upset, as I have not had stomach issues like that in the last six weeks, and I guess I forgot a little bit what it was like.  It sucks!  I am still suffering a little today also.  I am very tired and just don't feel very energetic or motivated.  Another side affect I know, and I also know that it will take a few days for me to get that energy back.  Was it worth it?  Probably not really.  Do I regret it?  No.  I needed the reminder of how much it sucks to have upset stomachs every day and feel so tired and lifeless.  Plus it reassures me that seeking out a healthy lifestyle and going on this journey, is really what I want to do for and it is where I need to be.  It makes me even more passionate to reach out and help others.  I want others to know how great it feels to have energy and feel good about yourself and your body.  So now, I want to reach out.  I want all my readers to know that, if they feel like they are stuck, like they aren't living, like they are unhealthy and unhappy, that I can help.  And I want to!  If you are ready to change your life, please email me!  If you know someone who is ready to change their life or if you are just curious about how I am changing my life and want to know more, Email me!  I want to help!  And with that, I bid you adieu, and a healthy and happy day!  As always, thanks for reading!

6 weeks in

Well, It has been six weeks since starting my weightloss journey.  I am still losing, but only three pounds this week.  But that puts me at 280 pounds!  And I am down a total of 34 pounds.  This week has been the worst week I have had so far.  It has been a struggle to not give up and give in this week.  I'm sure part of it has to do with stress, but part of it still feels like I am "breaking up" with a friend I love so dearly.  I know the meal replacement part of the program is temporary, and that eventually I will be introducing normal (Healthy) foods back into my life, but for some reason, I am feeling the loss hard core this week.  I mean HARD CORE!  I knew this journey would not be easy, it is just hard finding the strength when I am in the mindset that I have been in the last couple days.  There are two things that I think will actually help me personally, quite a bit.  The first is a conference, that I will be attending tomorrow, and I am sure that it will light a fire and make me feel all sorts of passionate about what I am doing, again.  The second thing (And I doubt this is recommended, or that it is nessecarily something that most people could handle) I am taking a day off.  I have to.  If I don't, I will quit.  I know myself better than anyone, and I know this about myself.  So today I am eating just regular food.  No meal replacements.  Don't get me wrong, I am not going to go out and eat fast food and crap all day.  I don't even have a desire to do that!  And I am fully aware that by doing this, I will likely kick my body right out of "fat burn" and when I restart the meal replacements it'll be kind of like starting over.  However, I feel like if I do kick myself out of fat burn, it'll help me realize how much I hate being out of it.  I know it sounds silly to talk about it.  I understand what my body is doing, and why I feel so great, and the reasons I feel so great, just I like I know I will probably not feel so energetic and good today and probably for the next couple days.  But, I think I need that reminder.  I have noticed something interesting already though, my appetite is very different from what it was before.  I feel full much quicker, and even though I am eating just regular food today, I am eating small portions and throughout the day, just like on the program.  I'm actually quite impressed by how my body and stomach are already telling me to slow down and not eat as much.  It gives me a lot of hope for when I am done with the weightloss portion of the program.  So with all this said, I hope I haven't disappointed anyone, especially my health coach Jenn.  And I hope that people understand why I am taking a break today.  Yes, I feel guilty.  But I also know I need to do this, in order to move forward.

Five weeks and counting!

Well, here it is, week five, and I am still making some serious progress towards my end goal.  It has been a tough week for sure!  With Jack breaking his leg, and me needing to officially quit my current employment so I can take care of him, and Andrew being sick, and having to cancel our vacation to Rhode Island, it seems that my limits are being tested more and more and more.  HOWEVER, I am staying strong and taking care of my body along the way.  I am eating what I need to eat and almost always when I need to eat (Like I said, it's been hectic, so there have been a couple days where I have struggled to actually get my meals in "on time" and have gone longer than I should've to eat)  The temptation to put junk in my body has been intense at times this week.  How easy it would've been to just get a nice juicy burger and chips when I was in the hospital with my son.  But I didn't.  At times it is hard to not let those unhealthy temptation take hold, but I DO NOT want to be fat, anymore.  I am not going to be.  I am not going to let those things win.  I won't, because I want to be around and healthy for a long time, for my children.  Even though we had the whole breaking of the leg incident this week, it makes me even more thankful that I have started Take Shape for Life, and am feeling healthier and stronger, it gives me the capability to take care of my son.  Don't get me wrong, I would've been able to take care of him before also, but, I would've been cranky about it, It would've more than likely been quite painful trying to move him around and carry him, and do all the things I need to do, had I not started this program.  It may sound silly to think that five weeks can have such an impact.  It does to me!  Such a short amount of time and such huge changes!  I just can't imagine going back!  And as I become more and more excited about my own success, I want to share it and reach out to others who want to feel as great as I do!  I don't think it could get more rewarding than to reach out and help others find their happiness in their health, weight, and life.  I know what it is like to feel crappy, all the time.  I know how exhausting it is to be overweight and unhealthy, and now I know how to change that, and how to feel good about my body, my mind, my health, and my life!  It's been a long time since I could honestly tell myself that I love myself.  And now that I can, I want to help others do the same!
With all this being said, I suppose I should announce the weigh in results for the week!  I am not disappointed with the results for sure!  This week I lost 5 pounds.  And with all the stress, I feel like this is quite the accomplishment!  So having lost 5 pounds, I am now down to 283 pounds and have lost a total of 31 pounds in five weeks!  OMG!  I am a little dumbfounded to think about losing 31 lbs in just five weeks.  The last time I lost a significant amount of weight (And mostly do to an unhealthy starvation diet) It was over the course of a year.  And in that year, I lost 60 pounds.  In a year.... And now I have lost 31 in five weeks!!!!  I know it is hard to read my emotions and excitement, but know that I am quite excited indeed!  My size 24 pants are already getting loose, and I am actually starting to visualize what it will be like when I am under 200lbs.  This is huge because I have never in my life thought I would be that thin.  But now I know I will be!  I can see it!  And I am excited for it!

Life!

So again I am posting mid week because I have had an exceptionally difficult couple days. Yesterday morning as my husband and I were out the door to go to work we heard Jack start screaming. He had a slip in the kitchen, and fell on his leg. At first we didn't think it was too bad, but then the knee started swelling. So we made the decision to take him to the e.r. I was unable to find someone that early to come in and work for me so I dropped him and daddy off and had to leave my son. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to be there for him and couldn't. Finally someone was able to come in at around 9 so I was able to go to the e.r.  By that time he'd already had x rays, seen that he had broken his femur (thigh) bone, and taken him by ambulance to the children's hospital. I was mad and upset that I missed all of this. And while I was busy cooking breakfast for residents at work, it took all my power to not start munching. But I made it through work without eating a bunch of junk. Then I finally got to the hospital. My poor son was all drugged up and he hadn't been casted yet. So we waited for that to happen and finally we were moved into a private room to settle in for the night. After seeing his cast, Brian and I have had to have some discussion about what is going to happen with our trip to Rhode island in about three weeks. So this is causing even more stress. And on top of that, I'm going to have to tell my boss that I'll no longer be working for the company. This incident combined with others lately have led me to this decision, and having Jack more or less immobile, and having to lift, roll, etc. to change him and what not, It's going to be hard for my mother to do alone with an infant. So all of this has lead to a very stressful couple days. All day yesterday, I wanted to eat. I wanted to munch off Jack's dinner, I wanted to order me a burger and fries, I wanted to get a coffee from statbucks. I wanted to put crap in my body that, at the moment would make me feel a little bit better, but in the long run make me feel worse. But I didn't, and I still haven't. I still want to, but I keep reminding myself that I have to be strong on this, for my children, so they can have a healthy mom. I keep reminding myself that I want to be the best and sexiest wife my husband could ask for. I keep reminding myself that (as Jenn says) this to shall pass. I am amazed that in my weakest moments, I can still be strong and still make the right health choices for me. It is hard today, it was harder yesterday, but I know that soon it won't be so hard. And that soon, I will be that healthy, energetic, happy woman my family deserves!