2 months!

Well, It has been two months since I started my weight loss journey.  I am going to be honest, I really wasn't sure how this blog was going to go today.  Yesterday I had my mind made up, I was giving up.  Of course I rationalized this with many many excuses.  I had been considering it for several days.  And so I finally emailed my health coach about my decision, and as I typed my why's for stopping this, every single thing out of my "mouth" I could see as an excuse.  Everything.  And I had a lot of them.  But after emailing her a little bit, and after talking to my husband some more about it, I decided to stick with it.  Today I met up with my health coach in person.  Which I am so thankful for.  We had a great talk.  I cried, more than I would have liked (but that is just me) and I've decided I am stronger than my weaknesses.  I have really bad weeks, and I have really good weeks, and honestly, this week SUCKED!  One thing I seem to have always done in my life is give up when things get hard, or run away.  And that is exactly what I was trying to do, run away, give up, admit defeat, quit.  I am more thankful for having Jenn in my life than she could possibly even imagine.  If she wasn't there, I would give up.  But having her there for me, and having her know what it is like to struggle with weight loss herself... She is such a blessing in my life.  Thank God for accounting class!  Admitting some of these things to myself, and to Jenn, seems to have triggered some things in my brain.  I don't have to be a failure.  I CAN accomplish goals.  I am stronger than I let myself believe.  But one of the most important things that really stuck with me today while talking to Jenn, was to stop letting the future consume the now.  Stop stressing over things that aren't here and haven't happen, and just take things one step and one day at a time.  As I sit here typing this I am truly overwhelmed with happiness that I have met someone so wonderful as to help me get through these struggles.  I can't say it enough.  Thank you Jenn!  You are an angel on earth!

Now for the weight loss news.  This week, there was none.  I am still 277.  It isn't a surprise considering the week I have had.  I cheated more than I would like to admit, and yesterday, I went completely off my new eating habits.  I am actually quite surprised I didn't gain weight honestly.  With every single bite of something I knew I shouldn't be putting in my body, I felt guilty.  I am a self saboteur, and it is something I am working on.  So many things in my life I have quit at, I am done being that girl.  I want to be the one who succeeds.  And now is the opportunity to prove I can!  I know it'll be a struggle, and I hope that I don't get to a place where I am ready to just quit again.  I hope that I can be strong enough to push past it, and call my health coach and be like "I need reminders why I am doing this again."  I gotta tell ya, the weight loss has been wonderful and so is the energy, but food has been my friend for so so so so so so long, that it is in a lot of ways a grieving process retraining my body to consume healthy and live healthy.  I do feel like I am losing a close friend by saying "I'm not going to put crap in my body anymore!" it's hard!  It is a struggle!  But, it is a struggle that is worth it.  Plus, taking my TWO MONTH weight loss pictures today was pretty freaking awesome!  I took the pictures in the pants I bought about a month ago, when I had dropped two sizes.  Look at the pictures!  These are NOT my fat pants!  They are however, they only ones I have right now that still fit!  I think next month, I will get out a pair of pants that I wore when I was my heaviest.  It'll be interesting to step into them.  It'll be interesting to see where I am in a month.  So with that said, thank you as usual for following my blog!  Thank you for listening to my struggles.  I still hope I can inspire anyone who is ready to take charge of their own lives!  Enjoy the pics!  (Sorry about being shirtless, I was trying to get a picture that truly showed the weight loss)

PS.  The last picture is me about about two years ago.  This was a point when I was almost at my heaviest, and one of the few full body pictures I have.  I was around 330 to 340 in this pic.